A Dying Man's Anxiety

They come in, individuals to a group, to write about themselves. They are different - and the same; men with their own stories, men with a terminal illness. AIDS. Their stories are their truths.

This is New York City's Gay Men's Health Crisis in action. Professor Rachel Hadas organized a poetry workshop for its members, and published an anthology of their work soon after: Unending Dialogue. Wayne, one of its voices, spoke of "the anger and sadness of the man / there in the mirror."

Poetry is emotion cordoned behind words. What literary form is more expressive? The emotions of a terminally ill man seem to be found mostly in the work of terminally ill (HIV-infected), gay men. Perhaps, society keeps the terminally ill, straight man locked behind the strength and independence of macho-masculinity... a cage the gay man broke merely with his presence.

How We Sabotage Young Girls

Girls are encouraged to be nice, quiet, perfect, polite -- at the expense of their authenticity and sense of self.

Is this possible? Today, this force called 'Girl Power' is ripping through cultures, schools, and families, pushing girls towards academic and social success. Traditionally, the males took all the leadership and power roles, but today, we transcend that. Girls currently have higher high school graduation rates than boys, and represent the larger percentage of college and graduate students. Girl Power seems to demand perfection in all aspects of a girl's life. However, this force inherently demands selflessness and prevents self-expression. This modesty is said to carry on as a girl ages, which will allow her to continue her success, but cost her her authenticity. The author refers to this as "The Curse of the Good Girl."

The Curse of the Good Girl erects a psychological glass ceiling that begins its destructive sprawl in girlhood and extends across the female life span, stunting the growth of skills and habits essential to becoming a strong woman.

So is the author suggesting that being a strong woman is different from being a leader? She suggests that this issue stems from a culture that seems to desire gender equality, but is still confused about the true meaning of balancing gender roles.

Gender Development in Adolescence

A new book I found in the stacks explained to me why gender was so significant during adolescence and highlighted how females are portrayed on TV. Adolescence is that uneasy, expect-the-unexpected time when we go through various changes: biological, cognitive, social, and emotional. On top of that, it is a time that researchers say we feel extra pressured to "conform to traditional gender roles" because our gender awareness is increasing. With all those changes going on, where do teens look to learn how to "be" a woman or a man? The Changing Portrayal of Adolescents in the Media since 1950 presents the media as a significant source of gender socialization. TV shows and commercials (in the past 20 years) subtly give us samples of how a conventional female behaves: more often than males, she is concerned with beauty, romance, and household chores; more often than males, she is seen crying, whining, or making threats. This is interesting because although we live in a society that attempts to equate men and women, there are still residual conventions of femininity. Why are these stereotypes still here? Is it even possible to get rid of these traditional images of women? Perhaps we cannot expect stereotypes to ever disappear because gender is rooted in our biology -- it is something society cannot alter.

May-December Gone Wild

Old men dating younger women...it is an extremely commonplace occurence in today's society. Actually, forms of it have existed throughout virtually all of human history (12 year-old princess brides, anyone?). Many people assume that the young women are in it for the money, and the old men are in it for other benefits. While this is probably often true, Something's Gotta Give, starring real-life ladies' man Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton, explores the "why's" and "how's" of May-December relationships (of both the older man-younger woman variety and vice versa). Why do older men want to date younger women, besides the most obvious reasons? Is it really a fear of commitment? And why are societal stereotypes of unmarried older men (suave bachelors) different from those of single older women (as, pardon the term, "old maids")? This movie, while on the surface simply another romantic comedy (albeit with very accomplished actors), provides a lot of insight on the age factor of romantic relationships. Plus, it really is hilarious.

The Job of Dying

"By then, he knew he was dying,
he seemed to approach it as a job to be done
which he knew how to do."

What does a daughter see as she watches her father die? Does she see the death of a hero in terminus?  Or does the superhuman qualities of her father never fade?

In her poetry anthology The Father, Sharon Olds chronicles her observations of her father's death from cancer. An outsider looking in, she portrays her father with worship of how he carries himself during his last days. She tells of his stoicism, his dominance, his strength - qualities that do not leave him even as he approaches his end.

Through her work, masculinity is portrayed never to fade. Indeed, when a man keeps his masculinity even in the face of death, Olds explains that he gains additional respect and reverence by keeping his image even as evening falls.

1) Witness Something Magnificent

Do you remember The Bucket List? I remember cheering Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman on as they fulfilled their wildest dreams in the movie: racing cars, hiking the great wonders, coming to accept death with dignity. What better lives could there have been than theirs?

Who didn't come out of that movie thinking that the life of the terminally ill should end just as satisfyingly? The men never lost their sense of humor, never lost their heroic place, never failed to show their strength - even in spite of their flaws. Even with their prognosis, their masculinity was not even a question. It stayed with them unto death.

Should a man keep his masculinity to keep his image whole, even when he's been determined to be terminally ill? YES, says popular culture. The alternative - any loss of manliness - is no blockbuster film.

WARNING: MANFLU

"But... honey! I'm so sick!"

Ever heard your man complaining about his sniffles and aches as though it were doomsday? It's a strange phenomenon. For the man who wouldn't complain if he got pinned beneath a rafter during a semi-annual home-repair session, he's sure got a case of the whineys when it comes to his health during a cold.

Bulk up man, geez! Where's your macho man attitude?

But, really? Is is possible for us ever to cut men some slack? Does a masculine attitude have to prevail even in times of sickness? Maybe we hold the male image to too-high a standard, if we do not allow him - even in his time of misery! - to show his pain. To what extent does this go? If he has a critical illness, do we critique him then?

The Terminal Gender Illness

I get blog updates every so often from the family of a terminally ill girl. They update pictures of her smiles, tell me about her chemo, and leave me with the hopeful knowledge that everything she is going through will make her better. But I can feel the sad little voice in the back of my head, wondering what the blog will look like when her illness takes control. Her smiles stay with me for a long time afterward.

What would a blog have looked like for a boy’s illness? Would there have been the same shining hope that threads through this girl’s fight? For these next weeks, I’ll be blogging about how the world portrays females and males with terminal illness, looking at the two gender groups and how the rhetoric compares. I’ve seen much of the terminally ill female: poems, images, articles, whole anthologies. But what about the male? I’ll specifically be looking for if, why, and how young and middle-aged men and women are represented and how their media representation and/or gender have an impact on the care they receive. How much does gender play a role in this uniquely devastating stage of aging? Do gender stereotypes have an effect on care, and would these potential stereotypes change depending on the age of the individual? I think this’ll be an interesting journey for us all.

The Social Role Theory: Why we do what we do!

Why do we criticize the 12-year-old that wears too much make-up? Or the old man that hangs out at singles bars? And why was it even an issue that basketball star Troy Bolton joined his High School's Musical? These questions may seem to have blatant answers, but do they really? In psychology, the Social Role Theory is one of many theories that concerns human development and accounts for why we act the way we do at different ages. This is a subject that I have been recently intrigued by. So in the next few weeks, I will blog about new things that I read concerning explanations of behavior at different ages for different genders, as proposed by the Social Role Theory. This topic is interesting because it concerns everyone: it (attempts to) explain why I am diligently completing my assignments now, why I will go for a run afterwards, why I am dressed in a particular way -- the list goes on. So in a narrower sense, I'd like to investigate stereotypes of females in Western culture and examine how prevalent social role expectancies are in today's generation. Through this I will ask several questions: How do stereotypes change and differ from young to old age? Where did these expectations originate? In what institutions or settings are they most present? These questions, I hope, will allow me to achieve a more thorough understanding of my topic of specific focus.

Achieving Manhood

Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" ultimately suggests that finding the perfect balance between fantasy and sensibility allows one to define himself as a man. This perfect balance, however, seems nonexistent. The criteria that the poet presents are very difficult –practically impossible – to achieve, suggesting that becoming a man will never happen. The poem is written in a very heavy and shrewd tone, making the reader feel infantile and discouraged from even attempting to achieve equal wisdom. The poet assumes that being a man means that “Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,” which any youngster knows is impossible.

If I were the son that this poem was addressed to, I would feel trapped in boyhood. However, there is something in the poet’s tone that brings about hope. The possibilities and promises that are offered seem much greater than the adversities that first must be overcome. This, I believe, is everyone’s battle in maturation: we are presented with such hardships in life, yet it is when we battle through them and succeed that we grow.

My Little Comma

Flipping through the pages of “Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers” led me through a swarm of issues that "twentysomethings" face. One word. Numerous.

Intrigued by the idea of a life crisis, I stopped at one story in particular by Elrena Evans called "My Little Comma." In the narrative, Evans describes the challenge of balancing family time with career aspirations. She has rigorous personal and professional goals, and her gender adds a whole new dimension to the dilemma of fitting all desires into the short time period we call "life." Through her twisted and repetitive references to the monotony of caring for a young baby, it becomes apparent that Evans has a pit in her stomach: she can't take back the child she already has, whom she loves very much.

I believe this child causes the onset of a life-crisis.

Although Evans never explicitly states her emotional panic, I think she is entrenched in it. She contradicts herself often by expressing her utmost desire to get a degree and maintain a professional life while also wanting "to leave the university" (210). She is self-conscious of others' perceptions of her, asking her audience, "Could I go to a cocktail party, hold my head up high, and introduce myself as a stay-at-home mom?" She wearily validates her authority as a mother by asking "I make milk; what's your superpower?" (206)

How do women balance the their individual aspirations with the needs of their family? What happens when priorities are suddenly forced to change? What will it take for women and men to work together to re-write the social norms that determine our life-story before we even live it? I feel as though women, trapped by society's expectations, hide some of their true hopes and dreams, and I plan on exploring the panic this particular age group experiences as a result.

Should Men Wear Makeup?

"Should Men Wear Makeup?" Despite the motley tangents the writer Douglas Cooney chooses to veer off to in this article, it's essentially bringing to light the fact that men wearing makeup has become increasingly popular, whether it's the teen sensation High School Musical heartthrob Zac Efron, the middle aged white collar worker trapped in his cubicle, or Mr. John Doe strolling nonchalantly down the street. Let's face it, women are not the only ones obsessing about their beauty anymore. An exuberant amount of men are increasingly becoming more and more conscientious about the crow feet underneath their eyes or parentheses wrinkle lines by their mouth, which could be the difference between them appearing to be a mid-20s bachelor on top of his game and an early 30s man prowling the scene. I think we should just accept the aging process for what it is and stop trying to force ourselves to fit the archetype of an individual who ages "gracefully" on society's terms. Like Cooney said, "There is something admirable about the man [or woman] who takes his [or her] imperfections with grace and carries on with his [or her] life."