The Upside of Grief

"What do we know, or think we know, about the way we respond when a loved one dies?"

I chanced upon this article while browsing through the New York Times's "New Old Age" blog.

In reading that opening line, I immediately thought of the way people expect us to act after the death of a loved one. It's healthy to express emotion, but try to avoid emotional outbursts in public places, like school or work. Don't try to feign happiness, but steer away from outright depression.

Paula Span, the author of the article, offers similar reasons in the paragraph following her thought-provoking opening question. However, she attempts to provide different answers to the question after reviewing the book "The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tell us About Life after Loss."

Rather than encouraging those who have lost loved ones to put on a smile and get over it, the author of "The Other Side of Sadness" suggests that it is good, and in fact, healthy to have a period of intense grieving over the loss of a loved one as long as you attempt to lead a balanced life in the process. Bonnano (the author) defines a balanced life as one filled with attempts to achieve happiness as well as allowing oneself to feel upset.

While Bonnano's suggestions were interesting, this article intrigued me because it made me think about society's expectations for those who are grieving. What is the socially acceptable period of mourning? How do we expect people to act after the loss of a loved one and why?